India

Anyone that knows me, knows that my wife and I had a baby this past week.  She was born on August 1st, and her name is India Grayson Hicks. This isn't my first baby.  Mikkeline and I have had two others, their names are Noah (10) and Annabel (8).  Although they are very special to me and I love them with every fiber of my existence, this time it seemed different.  

We spent the entire week in the hospital, even though they only held us for 48 hours with India before they'd let us go.  Mikkeline's doctor told her on Monday to go to the hospital, because the placenta was beginning to shut down.  India was born on Tuesday, and then on Thursday they let us go home.  This time in the hospital and away from work really gave me time to think about this little thing that my wife and had created.  

Maybe its my age, I'm 44 now.  I'm more of a thinker than I used to be. I approach things with caution more so than I ever have.  And, I really try to save time for the things I love to do.  So, yes, I'm getting old.  This may have contributed to the appreciation I have for life and what God has given me.  I don't know.  But, believe me when I say, "I am thankful". 

This time, I stopped for a second and took it all in. It overwhelmed me.  I whole body was consumed with emotion. I could barely stand to be inside my own skin. The love that I felt for India, the very "mili-moment" that my brain processed what I was seeing, made me weak in my legs.  I wanted to hold her and love all over her so bad it was killing me.  I couldn't figure out why the way I felt was different from when my first two were born.  With them, I was surely excited and proud, and I loved them just as much.  But for some reason, this time it hit home. 

I didn't want to have anymore kids before we found out that we were pregnant. Maybe this is God's way of dealing with my heart. Even after we found out that we were pregnant, I was in complete denial.  I kept thinking that it wouldn't end well, and so I prepared myself for a not so happy ending and then promised myself to get a vasectomy, just so I don't have to go through this again.  I think it was God's smallest finger touching my heart on the day I heard her heart beat for the first time.  Don't get me wrong, I had the vasectomy, but I was also very intrigued with meeting this little girl.  

Another reason that may have caused this dump-truck of love in me is the fact that my kids were overly excited that we were having them a sibling.  My son, Noah, loves babies.  I don't know why, either.  But when he found out that we were having him a little sister, that seemed to be the only thing that he could think about.  Annabel took it a little hard that India was going to be a girl, but she, nevertheless, couldn't wait to meet her sister.  And now that India is home those two are crazy about her.  Heck, we all are.  I've said this a few times in the past, but India was a huge part of our family months before she was even born.  And, she doesn't even know it.

All of these things coming together has weighed heavy on my anticipation of my baby girl.  And in return, I have been giving that love right back to her. I don't know how else to describe it other than all the boring clichés that everyone has already used.  But, I can say that I have never in my life had a feeling that resonated with me as strong as this has with India. I love her more than I can handle...

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